Friday, January 11, 2013

Ants In My Pants.

You feel a tickle under your shirt and you think "calm down, it can't be a bug". You've been sitting here for five minutes without feeling a thing. "It. Can't. Be. A. Bug."

It's a bug.

Not a bug that makes you jump up and beat yourself half to death while screaming like a little girl. It's just a sugar ant. You brush it off and it goes on its way.

But then you start to wonder, "How long has that ant been on my body? When I first felt it, it was underneath my shirt, so it could, in theory, have been crawling on me for quite a while. Hell, it could have been on me all day!"

And ants leave a trail for other ants to follow.

Suddenly you can feel an ant trail all over you. You know it's impossible to feel...but it's there.

Are you gonna wake up covered in ants? Should you shower or see what will come of this? What's the worst that could happen?

You get abducted by ants. That's what will happen.

I need your body to feed my children.

You will wake up with an ant colony slowly being built around you, you are going to take this ant colony to the next level, you are going to make it possible for them to take over other colonies and then...the world.

Don't shower. Do it for the ants.